Scandinavian Warfare!

Not really. I would hope not. 'Tis a song by the wonderful Champagne Riot from Denmark-- and I'm head over heels for it. Besides, I figured that the title would be fitting for my 50th post on the entire blog. I m so proud of myself! Fifty posts on one blog- what a height to reach for such an uncommitted person. Well, I feel like I am uncommitted to a lot of things. But, I have decided, with all of the things that I want to do in life... that has to change.

I tend to commit myself to one or two things at a time. Right now, it's sleep and reflecting on things... constantly... whereas my commitment must be towards my education, finding time to write, and networking for my future. Gah. It all sounds so scary. That word- future.

Future.
Even saying it freaks me out. Fewww chuuuur.
It strikes a chord when you hear it... it's alarming, like fire. For me, anyway. Some people get caught up in it, enthusiastic about the future (ergh) and whatnot. I can understand the immediate future, i.e. I am going to see Andrew Bird tonight. Excited for that. But... I am guilty of doing this, but the distant future- what may become of us. What we would like to see us doing, and I constantly want to be successful, living a lavish lifestyle on the Scottish countryside with my husband, whilst our children are off with their careers in mind (you see how I did that?).

But, I have many fears of complete failure. Oh yes, all have fears of failure, and I won't say are worse or slightly milder than yours, because I do not know your worries- you reader, you. I imagine not finishing my higher learning. I imagine having to move back home with my mom for twenty years, finding a way to make my minimum payment on all of my college loans. I shall try to have my work published- any of it, and nobody would like it enough to finish reading it, therefore I would be a starving artist.

Last evening at mass, Father Pat Kelly (who happens to live on my hall) gave a homily that I needed to hear. I reckon I shall go talk to him further about it, and my reflecting on a part of it. He was stating (along the lines of this) that status can affect someones expectations on life. They feel that if they have a higher status, there would be less worries in their life. In fact, all people in all walks of life have their fair share of anxieties. It kills me! I always think, 'wouldn't it be nice to have a worry-free life, where I can just live, love, and laugh at all that comes my way?' I technically could, but it's impossible to escape that. It then loops back to my thoughts of why do we live? Why do we have to experience these highs and lows? I am continuing this journey of trying to see my vocation, why I am the way I am, why I am here and not still in California, why, et cetera...

I desperately need hand lotion. Why?
Well, I have two conclusions. It's a sign for something to come, or I need to drink more water.


Hej hej,
Any


P.S. Discussion of my lenten promise to follow, soon.