I don't know what you think I would know about knowing something.

Originally uploaded by Any Syler

Lenten promise decided:

One hour of pointless internet per day. I have been the biggest fucking joke about keeping Lenten promises for the last five years. It's virtually impossible to keep my word. I am three days into the Lenten season, and I have been on the internet more than one hour per day to check my Flickr (incessantly), fmylifeism's, czechin' the daily horoscope, and updates from various music blogs to see if I can find some pleasing tunes. Arghargharghargh, this is really difficult.

I have, though, begun to sleep less (which is actually a good thing, I was beginning to put sleep in my priorities over schoolwork... which sounds reasonable, but I was deathly ill-- am I excused? I reckon I am excused from my behaviour/ lack of motivation for the last few weeks. Stop.). Yay. I am shifting my life priorities, again!

Nevermind.
I shall speak more later. My brain can't be assed to think about writing any more words at the moment. I just want to dance now.

Hej hej,
Any

Scandinavian Warfare!

Not really. I would hope not. 'Tis a song by the wonderful Champagne Riot from Denmark-- and I'm head over heels for it. Besides, I figured that the title would be fitting for my 50th post on the entire blog. I m so proud of myself! Fifty posts on one blog- what a height to reach for such an uncommitted person. Well, I feel like I am uncommitted to a lot of things. But, I have decided, with all of the things that I want to do in life... that has to change.

I tend to commit myself to one or two things at a time. Right now, it's sleep and reflecting on things... constantly... whereas my commitment must be towards my education, finding time to write, and networking for my future. Gah. It all sounds so scary. That word- future.

Future.
Even saying it freaks me out. Fewww chuuuur.
It strikes a chord when you hear it... it's alarming, like fire. For me, anyway. Some people get caught up in it, enthusiastic about the future (ergh) and whatnot. I can understand the immediate future, i.e. I am going to see Andrew Bird tonight. Excited for that. But... I am guilty of doing this, but the distant future- what may become of us. What we would like to see us doing, and I constantly want to be successful, living a lavish lifestyle on the Scottish countryside with my husband, whilst our children are off with their careers in mind (you see how I did that?).

But, I have many fears of complete failure. Oh yes, all have fears of failure, and I won't say are worse or slightly milder than yours, because I do not know your worries- you reader, you. I imagine not finishing my higher learning. I imagine having to move back home with my mom for twenty years, finding a way to make my minimum payment on all of my college loans. I shall try to have my work published- any of it, and nobody would like it enough to finish reading it, therefore I would be a starving artist.

Last evening at mass, Father Pat Kelly (who happens to live on my hall) gave a homily that I needed to hear. I reckon I shall go talk to him further about it, and my reflecting on a part of it. He was stating (along the lines of this) that status can affect someones expectations on life. They feel that if they have a higher status, there would be less worries in their life. In fact, all people in all walks of life have their fair share of anxieties. It kills me! I always think, 'wouldn't it be nice to have a worry-free life, where I can just live, love, and laugh at all that comes my way?' I technically could, but it's impossible to escape that. It then loops back to my thoughts of why do we live? Why do we have to experience these highs and lows? I am continuing this journey of trying to see my vocation, why I am the way I am, why I am here and not still in California, why, et cetera...

I desperately need hand lotion. Why?
Well, I have two conclusions. It's a sign for something to come, or I need to drink more water.


Hej hej,
Any


P.S. Discussion of my lenten promise to follow, soon.

What has it been like?

Well, it sure has been sunny! Sunny and beautiful, my Seattle- you have sure shown the best of you this week. Why the hell am I inside right now?

Please excuse me while I relocate myself to be outside to finish the rest of this entry... thank you.


It's so perfect out here. How can you beat 47 degrees and a mostly uncloudy day in the middle of Winter? Spring must be on its way-- it's absolutely glorious. A treat. That is exactly how I feel about sunny days- they should be a treat. I love overcast days, but on sunny days... they really, and truly are a treat. But, I reckon I am only saying this about perfect sunny days. If it's boiling, blistering hot and sunny... forget it. All you want to do is hide away in the coldest corner of your Air Conditioning system and freeze to death.

Maybe that is why I couldn't handle home-- weather can greatly alter someones mood. I love knowing how the general environment around a person can alter their mood. We are visual creatures... and if something isn't appealing to our eyes, all hell can break loose.

So, I have finally grown the guts to start incorprating more things to balance my life. To no longer be in the rut of feeling that I am limited. I have made my limits! I just hope that I don't start having these bombastic thoughts, and that I actually do follow through on so many things, that I no longer have the time to even breathe. Though... I do think you should do all the things that you can in life. It's the only way that you'll ever know if you'll ever like them or not. So, here is my list of things that I have already initiated into my life, or plan to begin.

1. Blog weekly! (Or more, if possible.) I have no idea who reads this crap. If you are, then I thank you dearly.
2. Apply to host a Swedish Music themed radio show on my University radio station (I'll keep you in the know if it actually pulls through!)
3. I officially have help with my Latin studies. Yay life.
4. I am going to apply to internships this summer to (hopefully) have me occupied back in the LA.
5. Writing the screenplay for a friends shortfilm. It is going to be immense.
6. Taking photography more often!
7. Initiating more volunteer service in my life!


Well... back to the Swedish music... I'm still on it. It's just so good-- and I can't help but want to highlight so many of the talented artists that can be showcased on... a show dedicated to them. I know it's essentially one-upping Craig from the Swedesplease blog's idea of keeping to the strictly Swedish music theme... but, he had something when he started it! And almost four years later, still going strong and having a solid selection of artists discovered from this far-off land known for ABBA and IKEA...

What was the purpose to this blog, again? Oh, to report that it is sunny, and that I feel sunny, and that means that things feel aligned today. Over and out!

Hej hej,

Any

And again.

I must channel these frustrations to write. Because I am going nowhere.
Absolutely nowhere.

Though this music is so strong. I am still going nowhere.




Isn't it odd that when you are across a room, you can notice eye contact? You can almost always tell when someone is looking directly at you, even if you aren't directly at them. Sometimes your heart skips a beat... sometimes it cringes with disapproval. It can be infuriating. It can be beautiful. It can be sinister. It can be pleasant.

I love sitting in the lobby, because all of these feelings happened to me in less than one minute. My heart went a wee bit spastic, but I adored those rapid changes. I know I have much more to say, but I don't think that I can. I keep thinking of useless... well maybe they arent useless. Maybe they are all attributing to some unknown point.
Am I missing something here?

Maybe I should become an absurdist. Searching for meaning or meanings in life is pointless. Absurd. Should I stop analyzing every minute thing? I can't. I know I can't do that... I love looking for literary elements in everyday life. Some say literature is lovely because it isn't real.

How could you say that it isn't? That's like saying life isn't real. Things that happen in life are just as surreal as occurrences in fictional tales. I know that we cannot always stay in a consistent steady-state in life. In fact, I imagine life would be so pleasant to constantly be happy. Until you're feeling so happy for so long... it starts to get a little boring. You begin to beg for one little wrinkle... just to make life interesting. Exactly why we thrive on drama. We can't stand it during the time it happens... but we would be so dull if we never had it, or experienced it.

Maybe I have gone somewhere.

Hej hej,
Any

The Zoo Story.

by Edward Albee. Have you heard of it? Have you read it? Have you seen it?

I have never seen it, but I have heard of it. And I have read it. And it is fantastic. If the name Edward Albee is familiar, I am sure you have heard of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"-- you know, the film where Liz Taylor is a raging drunk, screaming all of the time? That one. She was fabulous... I am starting to remember all of these things that my Junior year high school teacher had told me about all of the fabulous plays we had consumed that year. I had digested every single line- anticipating the drama, writhing in pain when something wrong would happen (though, we all know, that is always the writers intention). And, looking back at my only surviving copy of the plays we had read that entire year, Edward Albee's "The Zoo Story," I am completely madly endlessly in love with Absurdism.

The ironic thing about Absurdism is that it is an explanation- a suggestion of meaning- that the human search for meaning is a failure. A waste. No meaning to life exists.

Well, loosely that is what it means.

By Absurdism, I meant Absurdist literature. The writer leaves a lot up to the reader/viewer to interpret the characters morals, intentions, meaning. It is difficult to comprehend when someone is first exposed to it, and it is definitely something that isn't for everyone.

Epiphany! I have just realized that I have been in love with this work all of my (so far given) life! I have never realized that Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland was considered absurdist... how could I have been so ridiculous? What word would ever describe such a story... but ABSURD. Absolutely. Does this mean that this will be the pinnacle of my week?

"You sound like an adopted child who has finally been given the chance to re-unite with her birth-parents."

To quote the most quoteable, the brainchild for theovercast.net.

What steps does it take to make an absurdist story? Can it take me five days? Please? I can cross my fingers... I really would like to have some things written... and so far, I have nothing decent in mind.

Hej hej,
Any

Frontier.

Nordic flags and If-Only Boys.
Originally uploaded by Any Syler

What a fantastic weekend. If only it could have gone by a little slower. Time disappears when you are having a great time. I don't like it like that.

I have dumped upon myself many projects to do in less than a month. I have three deadlines that I would love to have finished by the end of February. In ten days, I must write a 10-20 minutes play. In 20 days, I must write a short film for the school's literary magazine. The other, I don't want to think about yet.

But, this play I have to turn in ten days... I haven't the slightest. I have been trying to settle on an idea, and nothing is coming to mind at all. I figured I would have a panoptic-inspired short play... or an absurdist Albee-inspired short. I can't say I can't do this, because I won't know until I try to do this.

I am trying to see what the word Frontier means to me. I shall admit that the first thing I thought of was Frontierland from Disneyland, where you can travel on a raft to Tom Sawyer's Island, take a risk on riding Thunder Mountain. This idea of a Frontier- a new border, a fresh start, where dreams of making a new home, breaking the boundaries of the Puritan values, and discovering things unseen by the majority of the planet. I am trying to imagine crossing the vast American Plains, going on the Oregon Trail, seeing and experiencing things that nobody would ever understand.

I wonder if that is why life seems so boring to Americans nowadays? There isn't anything new to discover, and we are all pretty much over this whole Space idea. Travels in space have not been announced very often, being as the entire planet is in debt, there has been a major slowdown on external-earth studies. For a short time, I would always believe that space studies were a wasted of billions of dollars. Why would we need to study what else is out there? If we were to know about anything else, we would know about it by chance. I would be a hypocrite to say that we shouldn't search for things, as I am someone that is constantly trying to search for something.

// Searching. Maybe that is my Frontier. Not just these definitions off of Oxford English Dictionary:

A. n.

1. a. The front side; the forepart. Obs.

b. The side that fronts in a specified direction. Obs.{em}1

c. The forehead. Obs. rare{em}1.

2. = FRONTLET 4. Obs.

3. The front line or foremost part of an army. Hence ‘attack, resistance’ in phr. to make frontier (tr. OF. faire frontière). Obs.

4. a. sing. and pl. The part of a country which fronts or faces another country; the marches; the border or extremity conterminous with that of another.

b. U.S. ‘That part of a country which forms the border of its settled or inhabited regions: as (before the settlement of the Pacific coast), the western frontier of the United States’ (Cent. Dict.). Also in specific use (see quot. 1894 and D.A.).

5. a. A fortress on the frontier; a frontier town.

b. A barrier against attack. Obs.

6. A settler on the frontier; a frontier-man.

B. adj.

1. Of or belonging to the frontier of a country; situated on the frontier, bordering; const. to. Also, characteristic of people living at a frontier; pioneering; primitive.

2. Fronting; opposite. Obs.

C. v.

1. intr. To be a frontier, or as a frontier; to border on or upon. Obs.

2. trans. a. To look upon the frontier, boundary, or coast of; to face; now rare. b. To stand in front of; to bar, oppose. Obs.

Hence frontiering ppl. a., occupying the frontier or border; neighbouring.

Sorry to take up so much of this post with a significant part of it being definitions of a slightly uninteresting word... It keeps mentioning the forehead, the front... maybe experiencing something on the surface. Looking at the surface of things. It's coming to me... but not quite. Not quite there. I can feel my full understanding of Frontier surfacing, but I still don't have a grip on how I want to view it yet.

Hej hej,

Any