The 11 AM

I went to the midnight o' one AM showing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince last night. I enjoyed it, along with my mother, which we both shared some mother-daughter bonding time. Before the movie even began, I just kept thinking of all the people from high school that I could run into. I didn't want to talk to them... mother kept asking me what my problem was, why I didn't talk to anyone- even if they actually were nice to me and I had no issues with them in high school.

Why did I do that?

One stood several steps in the aisle in front of my having a conversation... and I initiated nothing to muster up a mere hello. I even remember her talking to me last year, asking questions about my future Alma Mater, Seattle University, as she plans to apply there...

I was enraged to find out that my mother ran into a group of girls I went to high school with in the bathroom. She sat down, "Now, don't get mad at me," she started.

"What?"

"A group of girls might come marching in to see you..."

"What!"

"... I ran into them in the bathroom-"

"Oh, god- why?!"

"Why not?"

I sat there, anticipating five or more girls... only one showed, to my relief. It was a nice, brief reunion. Thank Christ.

This all had me thinking... why do I want to have nothing to do with those girls anymore? What is wrong with me?
And at The 11 AM, when I woke up from the wild evening of popcorn, chocolate covered peanuts and Harry Potter, this little thought ran through my mind:

"If you were part of my past, there is a huge chance you'll never see me again."

It's a cycle. Every school or group I knew in my past... I don't talk to them still. There are very few from high school that I enjoy their company and realize that they are authentic in their remarks. But, most, I don't want to deal with them anymore. Am I trying to scoot away and make more room for the new people I am supposed to meet in life? I honestly can't name you one person I was a tight-knit friend with in elementary school.


There is only one person in the entire world that was part of my past that I would love to see again. And I have tried. Numerous times. And I believe that I will never see them again. It pains me to realize this- almost to tears... but, I have to move on from it. Unfortunately.

I don't want to come to terms with it.
Please don't make me.
Please make me.


Hej hej,

Any