Graveyard Girl

This is how we all feel sometimes:

Frustrated, angry, pissed off at the world, especially when things aren't going our way.

I am beginning to refresh my mind of all the value lessons I learned this last semester. I have my first three finals coming this Friday, all of my 'easy' ones, you can say. I'm not too thrilled to be taking any, but I am glad I have an extra weekend to brush up on Statistics and Physics.

I began the morning with flipping through and tagging my Art History book with important figures of many periods. It's hard to believe that this was a one semester class. My economics final studying has consumed a few hours already, and I'm only a quarter of a way through. The principle of economics are so simple, I find all of the terms confusing at times. Economic vocabulary is self-explanatory, and that is what makes it so easy, but trying to remember, "does this curve shift left? right? Wait- nothing goes up or down?!" is what hurts my brain. I need to take a deep breath and relax to try to comprehend these things for one last time, and after May 16, 2008, I will no longer need to hold that information in my short term memory. Of course, because I have said this, I'll remember every god damn thing.

The act of chewing gum has helped me concentrate on my studying greatly this weekend. I am never a studying kind, my attention span is horrible (naturally, why else would I be blogging rather than using this precious time defining determinants of supply or nominal GDP?) but I've managed to fly through a lot of work (for me) in the last few hours than I've done all semester. I never took psychology, but it's most likely me being so determined to finish with a positive note. Physics will be an epic fail.


I'm so tired of talking or thinking about final grades. So many things to remind me of it, so many people asking about it. I just want to dive into a summer where I can study what I want, not study anything at all, and not have to worry about grades for the first time in 4 years. I'd always get so nilly about grades every summer thinking, "Oh my goodness, I need to do better next year!" This summer, I know I have an entirely fresh start starting at the end of September. I can explore things I daren't before.


At the time being, I have to wait another two weeks in agony planning things and making sure things go well. Pft.

One thing that is making me happy is photography. I'm a complete amateur, but I've become really fond of taking photos. This first photo posted in this blog is my cousin, actually, and I love how it turned out. I found it appropriate for how I feel at the moment. I'm such a whiner! I promise to stop being a pessimist... just give me a couple weeks!

Hej hej,

ANY.

Falling Off The Balcony

I have officially sent in my deposit to Seattle.

I recieved my housing options in the post today.

The weather has been exceptionally exquisite lately.

I've had large burts of inspiration.

My oh my, I feel so tired, but grateful. Why? I don't know why I feel so grateful.

I am officially tired of routines. I used to love being in a comfort zone. When things went out of wack and happened to be unexpected, it'd tick me off. But, now things are drastically changing this month in my life, I am starting to see how much positive emotions flow through me when the unordinary appears.

My foot is falling asleep, and that does not count. I hate when my feet fall asleep, especially after I've eaten my lunch and I'm trying to hobble up 4 flights of stairs to my next class, and I look like a nut, keeling over the side of the railing trying to shake out the prickling on the back of my calf. Numb calves are never a fun time.

Walking in sand really works them calves, though. I was in Long Beach, Belmont Shores, twice last week for some swim relays. Ah- it was great. I know it was Long Beach, not the most beautiful of beaches you've laid your eyes on, but it was still pleasent. Hell, it was a beach, yes? I got a few snaps with my spifferific camera, which are pretty amateur, but are still fun.

Here is someone we burried waist-deep into the sand. She was trying to get out, it was hilarious, and so I took a shot at her struggle. I eventually had to put away the camera and carry her out of the pit.

Have you ever studied the swirls on the beach at low tide? It's very intriguing. The ripples and streams in the damp sand are great to study. I love how it shines in the sun- all of the shades and sparkles bouncing off your eyes.

I need to go read, write, or sleep. No other option.

Hej hej,

ANY.

Fizz

Withdrawals. I don't have the third book in my hands right now. I'm salivating, in anticipation for more. More. I never knew how intrigued I'd be, how fascinated- the storyline is another Romeo and Juliet. Ah, but it's has a few things thrown in it, as well. If you don't know what I am referring to, I'm speaking of the Twlight series by Stephenie Meyer. So sad, I'm going to be in college next year, waiting in anticipation for more books by her...

Life is dreamy.
There are so many ways to escape it, to eliminate the complicated stuff clouding our brains. We all take different steps to inhale the hormones to ease our suffocations. In my ways, it varies. Some days I just lie flat on my back, staring at whatever may be above me, incorporating and indulging in daydreams of the future, or a life I'd never live. With these moments, I sketch out storylines that I'll never finish. I've always had a problem with starting stories and never finishing them. I have to write every word down- I don't trust computers to store my files. You're probably saying, "That's what backups are for, silly," but still. As long as there is no fire, your writing is better kepts written. Not typed.
Since I handwrite everything that comes to mind (with the exception of blogs; I don't want to store my information on the internet unless if I'm completely satisfied with it, which hardly ever happens) it takes forever. I eventually grow exhausted with the idea, abandon it for a few months, a year, maybe never dust off the notebook again.
What is sick is that as soon as I start to read the last few lines that I stopped at, I immediately know where to take off. Somehow my mind has managed to store these plots (over ten incomplete) and allow me to finish them. Of course, that hardly happens unless if I'm truly inspired.

I think I get scared of finishing them. When I did finish one story, it felt so good. It was truly difficult to let go of it, so I immediately began to use the same characters for a sequel. Surprise, surprise, I never finished the sequel.

It took me seven years to finish one composition notebook of ramblings. The last bits were scribbled into on Tuesday this week, and even that was hard to let go.


Ah, to hell with it. I need to finish my damned thoughts if I want to accomplish something with my writing. Effort.

Hej hej,
ANY.

Myers-Briggs

We list everything. We can't just leave things the way they are. Rankings or how well you do.
How good something is.
How BAD soemting is.
We need to see things as just that-- things!
I don't want to know different levels of thinking. I don't want to know what type of personality I might have.

I need to get back to reading. It's magically 9 PM, pretty much stuff is done (erm, right) but I feel a wee bit woozy with fatigue. I refuse to go to bed at a reasonable time. This sleep deprevation thing, it is pretty neat. Not good for my health, but yeah. It isn't good to mess up your sleep pattern, anyway.

I'm going to finish a few things and listen to some Jens Lekman while doing this Stats. Then I'll pop on my glasses, into my bed, and just read away with Mew.
Damn Cullen family. Why does Stephenie Meyer have to have an interesting storyline and premature writing? It's so enthralling, nevertheless.

HOP SKIP TO

My brain is pulsating. It might be the lamp.

Hej hej,


ANY.

Six Pounds of Lifts

Another fine day. The weather has been superb this last week. It's slightly upsetting to begin to pay more attention to my surroundings. I'm off to live in Seattle in about five months, and more then ever have I started to actually look at things. The places I live around, the changes. They may not really be changes, hell, they could be the same thing since I moved to my home twelve years ago, but I was too ignorant to notice them. I told myself for three whole years that I didn't want to stay home. I was getting as far from home as I pleased. Any school within a one hundred mile radius was considered too close for me. Now that the reality of me moving a... few million miles away has settled in my mind, I have a little pit of fear in my stomach. Oh, it'll be good for me, I know it will. I'm sure everyting will work it's way out when I get up there. Whenever I'm in that city, I feel at home. Isn't it natural to feel that bit of fear before jumping from the nest?

Seattle will help me soar...

Yesterday was divine. I had to break from my reading (oh, boo, I was on a roll- one hundred pages an hour) to go check the mail. It was around the time after the afternoon, but efore the dusk. The clouds were being devoured by the sun- it wasn't quite orange or blue in the sky. I don't know what you call it, but what a gorgeous time of day. The temperature was pristine- no more than 74 degrees farenheit. I checked the mail, and just stood in front of the box, watching those clouds...

Mail was junk. So much junk. I want to ban the Pennysaver and Time Warner Cable postcards. I am not interested in Chainade Unversity. I'd like to know what I signed up for to recieve letters from Leonardo DiCaprio and Jimmy Carter, asking me to save the trees and humans. I would love to, but my money can only go so far. I give my time for Amnesty International, pay my yearly donations, go to the regional conferences every year... oh boy. I really do wonder how they have my address. I can't wait until college- no more crummy mail. I hope. Oh no- I forgot. Credit Card offers.

I have a serious fear of credit cards. The spending habits of Americans the last ten years, along with any other economic factors, are really what are bringing my future to crum. I think the currency of the world should all crash, making us all start up again. Anyway, I am scared to death I will have to rely on credit to keep me alive, and I'll rack up so much debt that I'll only be able to make the interest payment every month, causing me to never be able to ay off my debt. Oh, overreacting? I think not! This is a serious problem every young adult rarely has the time to think about. Their future, how much it will cost them. I know I'll have at least $50,000 in loans to pay off for school when I graduate, which isn't bad compared to most students these days. Interest is rising (though my laons at the moment are to be locked) and there is a trend college costs rise at about 10% per year. Every ten years college more than doubles itself?! How ridiculous is this? It is a crisis, people. Our spending habits are outrageous. But we have to have things. And we, not just Americans, I'm talking to everyone in the world, always buy what we don't need.

I know I sound like a hypocrite, and I'll be honest, but I love my apparel. Love my handbags, for sure I love my clothes. Do I need as many handbags as I've bought? No. Did I need my Russian hat? No. But, it isn't bad to soak in little luxuries from time to time with your hard earned money.

I think I'm going to stop before I dig a hole I can't get out of. Interesting when you start talking about how beautiful the weather is to how greedy life is.

I want to take steps now, before I leave home, to start seeing the beatiful things I've lived around and never noticed. Please, God, don't let me want to stay home. I need to get away.


Hej hej,


ANY.

Mint and Beans

Hullo.
How do you do?
I'm doing well, thank you.
I've finished my lunch, and the time has come for me to brush my teeth. The food was excellent, but my mouth didn't sit well with the after-taste.
I suppose I should be doing what I was told to do, especially after I said I was doing what I was told what should have been done. Silly me.
My teeth are very clean now- they feel as slick as shark-skin. Or dolphins? Whatever tickles your fancy, darling.
What would you do if it took you seven years to fill a composition notebook with your thoughts?
I haven't finished mine, but I'm so close. About five pages left until it's completely used up. I should be doing physical writing, but I guarantee you that e-journaling (commonly referred to as blogging) is much more faster. It isn't personal at all. Oh, the beauty of our generation! Look at me! Look at me!
Our natural ability to cause attention to ourselves without having to be, "HI MOM, IT'S YOUR KID" on television now concerns me. Myspace whores at the age of 13, giving their phone numbers out to 22 year olds on the internet because it's cool. Teenaged supermodels, like Karlie Kloss, who's only 15. Reality shows that 'document' teen lives, like Laguna Beach and Newport Harbor. Teen socialites, like Cory Kennedy and Jackson P. Holy shit! How crazy is our generation now? Hungry, thriving, yearning for their fifteen minutes.
I miss the days of hokey movies and classy vocals. Does Charlie Chan or Peerry Como come to mind?
I admit to being sucked into the "ME ME ME" generation. I can't say I can't help it, because I can. I just have poor self-control.

What a day, what a day, what a pickin' day today has become!

Woke up to the telephone ringing.
"Good morning, Kimberlee! How are you?"
"... Argh... hi?"
"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"
"Yes."
"Oh- I was just calling for a confirmation."
"This is her daughter."
"May I speak to Kimberlee?"
"Ah," scratch my head, trying to wake up in the bright lit living room, "She's, ah, not here."
"Oh, erm... is there any other number I can reach her at."
"She'll be back... ah... ghmm... later thissnight."
"Okay," slightly annoyed, "Thank you. Have a good day."
"Yerm too."

And to think it was my grandmother calling to see if I was going to work on my essay for that scholarship, or the madre waiting to give me a laundry list of chores.
Oh, this place is still looking like a hell hole, five hours later. I better get cleaning or I'm doomed.

Hej hej,

ANY.