Six Pounds of Lifts

Another fine day. The weather has been superb this last week. It's slightly upsetting to begin to pay more attention to my surroundings. I'm off to live in Seattle in about five months, and more then ever have I started to actually look at things. The places I live around, the changes. They may not really be changes, hell, they could be the same thing since I moved to my home twelve years ago, but I was too ignorant to notice them. I told myself for three whole years that I didn't want to stay home. I was getting as far from home as I pleased. Any school within a one hundred mile radius was considered too close for me. Now that the reality of me moving a... few million miles away has settled in my mind, I have a little pit of fear in my stomach. Oh, it'll be good for me, I know it will. I'm sure everyting will work it's way out when I get up there. Whenever I'm in that city, I feel at home. Isn't it natural to feel that bit of fear before jumping from the nest?

Seattle will help me soar...

Yesterday was divine. I had to break from my reading (oh, boo, I was on a roll- one hundred pages an hour) to go check the mail. It was around the time after the afternoon, but efore the dusk. The clouds were being devoured by the sun- it wasn't quite orange or blue in the sky. I don't know what you call it, but what a gorgeous time of day. The temperature was pristine- no more than 74 degrees farenheit. I checked the mail, and just stood in front of the box, watching those clouds...

Mail was junk. So much junk. I want to ban the Pennysaver and Time Warner Cable postcards. I am not interested in Chainade Unversity. I'd like to know what I signed up for to recieve letters from Leonardo DiCaprio and Jimmy Carter, asking me to save the trees and humans. I would love to, but my money can only go so far. I give my time for Amnesty International, pay my yearly donations, go to the regional conferences every year... oh boy. I really do wonder how they have my address. I can't wait until college- no more crummy mail. I hope. Oh no- I forgot. Credit Card offers.

I have a serious fear of credit cards. The spending habits of Americans the last ten years, along with any other economic factors, are really what are bringing my future to crum. I think the currency of the world should all crash, making us all start up again. Anyway, I am scared to death I will have to rely on credit to keep me alive, and I'll rack up so much debt that I'll only be able to make the interest payment every month, causing me to never be able to ay off my debt. Oh, overreacting? I think not! This is a serious problem every young adult rarely has the time to think about. Their future, how much it will cost them. I know I'll have at least $50,000 in loans to pay off for school when I graduate, which isn't bad compared to most students these days. Interest is rising (though my laons at the moment are to be locked) and there is a trend college costs rise at about 10% per year. Every ten years college more than doubles itself?! How ridiculous is this? It is a crisis, people. Our spending habits are outrageous. But we have to have things. And we, not just Americans, I'm talking to everyone in the world, always buy what we don't need.

I know I sound like a hypocrite, and I'll be honest, but I love my apparel. Love my handbags, for sure I love my clothes. Do I need as many handbags as I've bought? No. Did I need my Russian hat? No. But, it isn't bad to soak in little luxuries from time to time with your hard earned money.

I think I'm going to stop before I dig a hole I can't get out of. Interesting when you start talking about how beautiful the weather is to how greedy life is.

I want to take steps now, before I leave home, to start seeing the beatiful things I've lived around and never noticed. Please, God, don't let me want to stay home. I need to get away.


Hej hej,


ANY.