This entry is being written in a very non-traditional Any Syler way.
Though it is still directly from my brain, through my nerves and out my fingertips on these black keys, I am writing this with out being on the blogger interface. It is being written on a Word Document, due to the fact that I am unable to connect myself to the internet. This may or may not be a good thing. I am bummed that Starbucks does not offer free wi-fi, it’s “cramping my style” (I’ve been saying this very freely recently) but it is also taking away one of the biggest distractions in my life.
Oh, my addiction to the internet. It isn’t a healthy one. It makes projects that should take you two hours ends up spiraling to be a six-hour ordeal. Then again, I am avoiding my maths homework by typing up a new entry onto a Word document, in order to have an excuse to go onto the internet in the future. Gah, the infinite circle.
Hej hej,
Any
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Joe O's and Bananas
29 degrees.
Seattle, are you kidding me?
I have never seen a sunny day, and the temperature at 29 degrees Fahrenheit. Ever.
Off to brush up on Indirect Discourse with an Infinitive, Subject Accusative. Quiz time in 40.
This is going to be a rough and mysterious morning.
Hej hej,
Any
Seattle, are you kidding me?
I have never seen a sunny day, and the temperature at 29 degrees Fahrenheit. Ever.
Off to brush up on Indirect Discourse with an Infinitive, Subject Accusative. Quiz time in 40.
This is going to be a rough and mysterious morning.
Hej hej,
Any
Monday, March 2, 2009
I hate people.
You read that correctly. I hate people. Though, in my nature, I cannot be some misanthropic lonely soul in this world. Let me correct myself, I love people- people who deserve to be loved. And only a few people on my list of people to love that are complete jerkinthefaces from time to time have my eternal love for them. Those would be some arsey family members.
But, I am starting to become so confused by all of the people around me. I used to be so good at understanding people before I got to know them. I had this sixth sense where I could feel their intentions and spirit before I even really knew much about them. Now, it's gone down the drain. I get to know people, or about them, and they turn out to be so different from what I expected. I am judging them... ahh... I see what I am doing here. I have fallen out of my hard foundations I tried so hard to create over the summer- start anew. It's crumbling fast, I am beginning to no longer want to know anyone new.
It's so much easier to look at someone on the surface, and paint out an elaborate, dreamy (or even dramatic) background attached to their face. Maybe that's why I love photos. You see the surface of someone, and you can see their pain, you can see their joys. Yet... I have never once questioned, "Do I really know as much about this person as I think I do?"
I never do.
I don't know much about many people, in fact. It's taken years to pry stories from my mother's mouth about her past. Same goes for my grandfather. I have grown up with such cryptic and mysterious people, is this what has led me my wild imagination? Is this why I like thinking about people I don't know? Or, am I feeding gossip to my own mind?
Oh, where this is going, I know it's going to spiral into a crazy mess. I don't believe in the whole "once you understand yourself, you can understand others easily." It's a bunch of bunk, and even the people who recite this know they are full of it. Nobody will understand you, you will never understand yourself, and you will not understand anyone more than you know about them.
Upon thinking more... suppose I am enraged with people because my little fantasies become ruined when I get to know them.
I'll have you know it, I don't mind living on a Scottish moor to my dieing days, cold and locked away writing by candlelight, and thinking about what 'real' and 'infinity' mean... and this completely contradicts the opening of this entry. I can't make up my damned mind about things. It's infuriating.
I believe I've jumped in a puddle, and I can't get out of it. It's no big deal, but I'm crying over it anyways.
(exeunt)
Hej hej,
Any
But, I am starting to become so confused by all of the people around me. I used to be so good at understanding people before I got to know them. I had this sixth sense where I could feel their intentions and spirit before I even really knew much about them. Now, it's gone down the drain. I get to know people, or about them, and they turn out to be so different from what I expected. I am judging them... ahh... I see what I am doing here. I have fallen out of my hard foundations I tried so hard to create over the summer- start anew. It's crumbling fast, I am beginning to no longer want to know anyone new.
It's so much easier to look at someone on the surface, and paint out an elaborate, dreamy (or even dramatic) background attached to their face. Maybe that's why I love photos. You see the surface of someone, and you can see their pain, you can see their joys. Yet... I have never once questioned, "Do I really know as much about this person as I think I do?"
I never do.
I don't know much about many people, in fact. It's taken years to pry stories from my mother's mouth about her past. Same goes for my grandfather. I have grown up with such cryptic and mysterious people, is this what has led me my wild imagination? Is this why I like thinking about people I don't know? Or, am I feeding gossip to my own mind?
Oh, where this is going, I know it's going to spiral into a crazy mess. I don't believe in the whole "once you understand yourself, you can understand others easily." It's a bunch of bunk, and even the people who recite this know they are full of it. Nobody will understand you, you will never understand yourself, and you will not understand anyone more than you know about them.
Upon thinking more... suppose I am enraged with people because my little fantasies become ruined when I get to know them.
I'll have you know it, I don't mind living on a Scottish moor to my dieing days, cold and locked away writing by candlelight, and thinking about what 'real' and 'infinity' mean... and this completely contradicts the opening of this entry. I can't make up my damned mind about things. It's infuriating.
I believe I've jumped in a puddle, and I can't get out of it. It's no big deal, but I'm crying over it anyways.
(exeunt)
Hej hej,
Any
Friday, February 27, 2009
I don't know what you think I would know about knowing something.
Lenten promise decided:
One hour of pointless internet per day. I have been the biggest fucking joke about keeping Lenten promises for the last five years. It's virtually impossible to keep my word. I am three days into the Lenten season, and I have been on the internet more than one hour per day to check my Flickr (incessantly), fmylifeism's, czechin' the daily horoscope, and updates from various music blogs to see if I can find some pleasing tunes. Arghargharghargh, this is really difficult.
I have, though, begun to sleep less (which is actually a good thing, I was beginning to put sleep in my priorities over schoolwork... which sounds reasonable, but I was deathly ill-- am I excused? I reckon I am excused from my behaviour/ lack of motivation for the last few weeks. Stop.). Yay. I am shifting my life priorities, again!
Nevermind.
I shall speak more later. My brain can't be assed to think about writing any more words at the moment. I just want to dance now.
Hej hej,
Any
One hour of pointless internet per day. I have been the biggest fucking joke about keeping Lenten promises for the last five years. It's virtually impossible to keep my word. I am three days into the Lenten season, and I have been on the internet more than one hour per day to check my Flickr (incessantly), fmylifeism's, czechin' the daily horoscope, and updates from various music blogs to see if I can find some pleasing tunes. Arghargharghargh, this is really difficult.
I have, though, begun to sleep less (which is actually a good thing, I was beginning to put sleep in my priorities over schoolwork... which sounds reasonable, but I was deathly ill-- am I excused? I reckon I am excused from my behaviour/ lack of motivation for the last few weeks. Stop.). Yay. I am shifting my life priorities, again!
Nevermind.
I shall speak more later. My brain can't be assed to think about writing any more words at the moment. I just want to dance now.
Hej hej,
Any
Monday, February 23, 2009
Scandinavian Warfare!
Not really. I would hope not. 'Tis a song by the wonderful Champagne Riot from Denmark-- and I'm head over heels for it. Besides, I figured that the title would be fitting for my 50th post on the entire blog. I m so proud of myself! Fifty posts on one blog- what a height to reach for such an uncommitted person. Well, I feel like I am uncommitted to a lot of things. But, I have decided, with all of the things that I want to do in life... that has to change.
I tend to commit myself to one or two things at a time. Right now, it's sleep and reflecting on things... constantly... whereas my commitment must be towards my education, finding time to write, and networking for my future. Gah. It all sounds so scary. That word- future.
Future.
Even saying it freaks me out. Fewww chuuuur.
It strikes a chord when you hear it... it's alarming, like fire. For me, anyway. Some people get caught up in it, enthusiastic about the future (ergh) and whatnot. I can understand the immediate future, i.e. I am going to see Andrew Bird tonight. Excited for that. But... I am guilty of doing this, but the distant future- what may become of us. What we would like to see us doing, and I constantly want to be successful, living a lavish lifestyle on the Scottish countryside with my husband, whilst our children are off with their careers in mind (you see how I did that?).
But, I have many fears of complete failure. Oh yes, all have fears of failure, and I won't say are worse or slightly milder than yours, because I do not know your worries- you reader, you. I imagine not finishing my higher learning. I imagine having to move back home with my mom for twenty years, finding a way to make my minimum payment on all of my college loans. I shall try to have my work published- any of it, and nobody would like it enough to finish reading it, therefore I would be a starving artist.
Last evening at mass, Father Pat Kelly (who happens to live on my hall) gave a homily that I needed to hear. I reckon I shall go talk to him further about it, and my reflecting on a part of it. He was stating (along the lines of this) that status can affect someones expectations on life. They feel that if they have a higher status, there would be less worries in their life. In fact, all people in all walks of life have their fair share of anxieties. It kills me! I always think, 'wouldn't it be nice to have a worry-free life, where I can just live, love, and laugh at all that comes my way?' I technically could, but it's impossible to escape that. It then loops back to my thoughts of why do we live? Why do we have to experience these highs and lows? I am continuing this journey of trying to see my vocation, why I am the way I am, why I am here and not still in California, why, et cetera...
I desperately need hand lotion. Why?
Well, I have two conclusions. It's a sign for something to come, or I need to drink more water.
Hej hej,
Any
P.S. Discussion of my lenten promise to follow, soon.
I tend to commit myself to one or two things at a time. Right now, it's sleep and reflecting on things... constantly... whereas my commitment must be towards my education, finding time to write, and networking for my future. Gah. It all sounds so scary. That word- future.
Future.
Even saying it freaks me out. Fewww chuuuur.
It strikes a chord when you hear it... it's alarming, like fire. For me, anyway. Some people get caught up in it, enthusiastic about the future (ergh) and whatnot. I can understand the immediate future, i.e. I am going to see Andrew Bird tonight. Excited for that. But... I am guilty of doing this, but the distant future- what may become of us. What we would like to see us doing, and I constantly want to be successful, living a lavish lifestyle on the Scottish countryside with my husband, whilst our children are off with their careers in mind (you see how I did that?).
But, I have many fears of complete failure. Oh yes, all have fears of failure, and I won't say are worse or slightly milder than yours, because I do not know your worries- you reader, you. I imagine not finishing my higher learning. I imagine having to move back home with my mom for twenty years, finding a way to make my minimum payment on all of my college loans. I shall try to have my work published- any of it, and nobody would like it enough to finish reading it, therefore I would be a starving artist.
Last evening at mass, Father Pat Kelly (who happens to live on my hall) gave a homily that I needed to hear. I reckon I shall go talk to him further about it, and my reflecting on a part of it. He was stating (along the lines of this) that status can affect someones expectations on life. They feel that if they have a higher status, there would be less worries in their life. In fact, all people in all walks of life have their fair share of anxieties. It kills me! I always think, 'wouldn't it be nice to have a worry-free life, where I can just live, love, and laugh at all that comes my way?' I technically could, but it's impossible to escape that. It then loops back to my thoughts of why do we live? Why do we have to experience these highs and lows? I am continuing this journey of trying to see my vocation, why I am the way I am, why I am here and not still in California, why, et cetera...
I desperately need hand lotion. Why?
Well, I have two conclusions. It's a sign for something to come, or I need to drink more water.
Hej hej,
Any
P.S. Discussion of my lenten promise to follow, soon.
Friday, February 20, 2009
What has it been like?
Well, it sure has been sunny! Sunny and beautiful, my Seattle- you have sure shown the best of you this week. Why the hell am I inside right now?
Please excuse me while I relocate myself to be outside to finish the rest of this entry... thank you.
It's so perfect out here. How can you beat 47 degrees and a mostly uncloudy day in the middle of Winter? Spring must be on its way-- it's absolutely glorious. A treat. That is exactly how I feel about sunny days- they should be a treat. I love overcast days, but on sunny days... they really, and truly are a treat. But, I reckon I am only saying this about perfect sunny days. If it's boiling, blistering hot and sunny... forget it. All you want to do is hide away in the coldest corner of your Air Conditioning system and freeze to death.
Maybe that is why I couldn't handle home-- weather can greatly alter someones mood. I love knowing how the general environment around a person can alter their mood. We are visual creatures... and if something isn't appealing to our eyes, all hell can break loose.
So, I have finally grown the guts to start incorprating more things to balance my life. To no longer be in the rut of feeling that I am limited. I have made my limits! I just hope that I don't start having these bombastic thoughts, and that I actually do follow through on so many things, that I no longer have the time to even breathe. Though... I do think you should do all the things that you can in life. It's the only way that you'll ever know if you'll ever like them or not. So, here is my list of things that I have already initiated into my life, or plan to begin.
1. Blog weekly! (Or more, if possible.) I have no idea who reads this crap. If you are, then I thank you dearly.
2. Apply to host a Swedish Music themed radio show on my University radio station (I'll keep you in the know if it actually pulls through!)
3. I officially have help with my Latin studies. Yay life.
4. I am going to apply to internships this summer to (hopefully) have me occupied back in the LA.
5. Writing the screenplay for a friends shortfilm. It is going to be immense.
6. Taking photography more often!
7. Initiating more volunteer service in my life!
Well... back to the Swedish music... I'm still on it. It's just so good-- and I can't help but want to highlight so many of the talented artists that can be showcased on... a show dedicated to them. I know it's essentially one-upping Craig from the Swedesplease blog's idea of keeping to the strictly Swedish music theme... but, he had something when he started it! And almost four years later, still going strong and having a solid selection of artists discovered from this far-off land known for ABBA and IKEA...
What was the purpose to this blog, again? Oh, to report that it is sunny, and that I feel sunny, and that means that things feel aligned today. Over and out!
Hej hej,
Any
Please excuse me while I relocate myself to be outside to finish the rest of this entry... thank you.
It's so perfect out here. How can you beat 47 degrees and a mostly uncloudy day in the middle of Winter? Spring must be on its way-- it's absolutely glorious. A treat. That is exactly how I feel about sunny days- they should be a treat. I love overcast days, but on sunny days... they really, and truly are a treat. But, I reckon I am only saying this about perfect sunny days. If it's boiling, blistering hot and sunny... forget it. All you want to do is hide away in the coldest corner of your Air Conditioning system and freeze to death.
Maybe that is why I couldn't handle home-- weather can greatly alter someones mood. I love knowing how the general environment around a person can alter their mood. We are visual creatures... and if something isn't appealing to our eyes, all hell can break loose.
So, I have finally grown the guts to start incorprating more things to balance my life. To no longer be in the rut of feeling that I am limited. I have made my limits! I just hope that I don't start having these bombastic thoughts, and that I actually do follow through on so many things, that I no longer have the time to even breathe. Though... I do think you should do all the things that you can in life. It's the only way that you'll ever know if you'll ever like them or not. So, here is my list of things that I have already initiated into my life, or plan to begin.
1. Blog weekly! (Or more, if possible.) I have no idea who reads this crap. If you are, then I thank you dearly.
2. Apply to host a Swedish Music themed radio show on my University radio station (I'll keep you in the know if it actually pulls through!)
3. I officially have help with my Latin studies. Yay life.
4. I am going to apply to internships this summer to (hopefully) have me occupied back in the LA.
5. Writing the screenplay for a friends shortfilm. It is going to be immense.
6. Taking photography more often!
7. Initiating more volunteer service in my life!
Well... back to the Swedish music... I'm still on it. It's just so good-- and I can't help but want to highlight so many of the talented artists that can be showcased on... a show dedicated to them. I know it's essentially one-upping Craig from the Swedesplease blog's idea of keeping to the strictly Swedish music theme... but, he had something when he started it! And almost four years later, still going strong and having a solid selection of artists discovered from this far-off land known for ABBA and IKEA...
What was the purpose to this blog, again? Oh, to report that it is sunny, and that I feel sunny, and that means that things feel aligned today. Over and out!
Hej hej,
Any
Friday, February 6, 2009
And again.
I must channel these frustrations to write. Because I am going nowhere.
Absolutely nowhere.
Though this music is so strong. I am still going nowhere.
Isn't it odd that when you are across a room, you can notice eye contact? You can almost always tell when someone is looking directly at you, even if you aren't directly at them. Sometimes your heart skips a beat... sometimes it cringes with disapproval. It can be infuriating. It can be beautiful. It can be sinister. It can be pleasant.
I love sitting in the lobby, because all of these feelings happened to me in less than one minute. My heart went a wee bit spastic, but I adored those rapid changes. I know I have much more to say, but I don't think that I can. I keep thinking of useless... well maybe they arent useless. Maybe they are all attributing to some unknown point.
Am I missing something here?
Maybe I should become an absurdist. Searching for meaning or meanings in life is pointless. Absurd. Should I stop analyzing every minute thing? I can't. I know I can't do that... I love looking for literary elements in everyday life. Some say literature is lovely because it isn't real.
How could you say that it isn't? That's like saying life isn't real. Things that happen in life are just as surreal as occurrences in fictional tales. I know that we cannot always stay in a consistent steady-state in life. In fact, I imagine life would be so pleasant to constantly be happy. Until you're feeling so happy for so long... it starts to get a little boring. You begin to beg for one little wrinkle... just to make life interesting. Exactly why we thrive on drama. We can't stand it during the time it happens... but we would be so dull if we never had it, or experienced it.
Maybe I have gone somewhere.
Hej hej,
Any
Absolutely nowhere.
Though this music is so strong. I am still going nowhere.
Isn't it odd that when you are across a room, you can notice eye contact? You can almost always tell when someone is looking directly at you, even if you aren't directly at them. Sometimes your heart skips a beat... sometimes it cringes with disapproval. It can be infuriating. It can be beautiful. It can be sinister. It can be pleasant.
I love sitting in the lobby, because all of these feelings happened to me in less than one minute. My heart went a wee bit spastic, but I adored those rapid changes. I know I have much more to say, but I don't think that I can. I keep thinking of useless... well maybe they arent useless. Maybe they are all attributing to some unknown point.
Am I missing something here?
Maybe I should become an absurdist. Searching for meaning or meanings in life is pointless. Absurd. Should I stop analyzing every minute thing? I can't. I know I can't do that... I love looking for literary elements in everyday life. Some say literature is lovely because it isn't real.
How could you say that it isn't? That's like saying life isn't real. Things that happen in life are just as surreal as occurrences in fictional tales. I know that we cannot always stay in a consistent steady-state in life. In fact, I imagine life would be so pleasant to constantly be happy. Until you're feeling so happy for so long... it starts to get a little boring. You begin to beg for one little wrinkle... just to make life interesting. Exactly why we thrive on drama. We can't stand it during the time it happens... but we would be so dull if we never had it, or experienced it.
Maybe I have gone somewhere.
Hej hej,
Any
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